Confusion
by sweetiepoops
Summary: He may be a warrior,but he's a confused person in the inside. He wants to go home feeling light,but he knows that nightmares of the past will always be there to haunt him. He wants to taste her lips again,but he doesn't know what to say to her.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own FF7,though I wish I do...:( ah well

_C__onfusion_

She runs her hand over the cool surface of the glass window. Everything's misty and cold. She thinks of him.

_Six months..._

Six months since he was gone...

Half a year since she last tasted his lips...

* * *

The wind howls as he stands up. He stares hard at the flower in his hand,all the things he should have done flooding his mind. The day he joined soldier,he remembers,he looked up at Sephiroth with great admiration. He respected the man,but when his best friend was killed by him,respect didn't exist in his vocabulary. 

_...if only I had..._

He turns to the buster sword,laying motionlessly on the ground,just like someone he remembers,five years before Meteor. He recalls...

_"Cloud!Run!"_

_Bang!_

_He looks at the figure on top of him,covered in blood. _

He brings a palm to his chest,pressing it hard as he feels a stab of pain. He remembers the flower girl. . He clenches his fist,fuming as he reminisces.

He feels two warm hands on his shoulders.

_I never blamed you,not once...you came for me,that's all that matters._

He shudders as he feels a warm breath trickling down his neck...and it goes away a second later. By right,he would have moved on,but being the way he is,he chose to take it the hard way.

Then,the fatal disease came. He contracted the disease...and isolated himself from his family. He knew how much it hurt the woman who did so much to bring the four together. He knew...but he just didn't know how to talk to her. He may look tough,but deep inside,he feels perplexed. He's confused...

...but what's worse?It's that he knows that,but he isn't going to do anything to help it.

After that one last battle,they were a family again. He began talking more,smiling as well. He fell in love with her,and she was very much in love with him. That little family...they managed to keep at it but he was still confused. With every day,every hour,he got more confused,more troubled by his thoughts but he acted as if they were nothing...and went on till the stage she thought he was perfectly alright.

He knows it was wrong to leave her,but he still did. He needed to get away,to get rid of all the troubles,the regrets he still had in him. He's dying to go home,to see his loved ones,but he doesn't know what to tell her. He still goes anyway.

* * *

Her head jerks as she hears the pitter patter of little feet scrambling down the stairs. They run over to her,crayons and papers in their hands. She looks at the pictures they've drawn of her and bends down to hug them. They laugh,locking their arms around her neck. She looks at the picture again,and her eyes go misty as she scans the blond figure in the picture. She shakes it off and looks at them,asking if spaghetti would be good for dinner. They cheer and she laughs,forgetting about what she saw. She walks into the kitchen and prepares dinner. 

He dismounts the bike and enters by the back door. The floorboards creak with every slow step he takes. He can't find her and he heads upstairs. He walks across the hallway and stops when he sees a familiar white wooden crib. He walks in and looks at the little figure.

_So much bigger than the last time..._

He places a hand into a crib and gently strokes the infant's arm. Big blue eyes stare up at him innocently,before the baby continues sucking on its thumb and closes them. He can't help but smile. He gently picks it up and it stops sucking on its thumb,letting out a contented coo. He leans down and kisses the forehead of his child.

She stands at the doorway,speechless. She whispers his name and he immediately turns to her. Shocked,he places the infant quickly and gently down into the crib and turn to her. She approaches him and stares at him,tears clouding her vision.

She whispers,"Why did you leave?"

He thinks of something to tell her when the two kids yell out her name. They gasp as they see him. He stumbles as they rush to him,hugging him to tightly that he thought he couldn't breathe. He looks at her but she averts her eyes from him. The kids urge him to stay for dinner. He turns to her,hoping she would help him but she's gone. They pout and he gives them a tentative nod.

* * *

They eat dinner with the kids filling him with tons of questions as she sits there silently,barely touching her food. The baby lets out a cry and she excuses herself softly,heading upstairs to check on the child. The children speak in hushed tones,asking him when he's planning to marry her. He gulps,taken aback and shakes his head. They roll their eyes and sigh,going back to eating. 

The two go to bed early that night,leaving the adults to talk. She asks how long he is going to stay for. He tells her he will be leaving soon. Her heart breaks and he hurriedly informs her that he will be back.

"The question is when,not that you will be back..."She shakes her head and walks away.

He stands rooted to the ground,digesting her words. He leaves and goes back to the field. He buries his face in his hands and growls as he feels a headache acting up.

_Go back to where you belong,this place isn't for you._

_Don't let her down,let her know that you still care for her and...your family._

_She needs you,the kids need you,just go back._

He starts breathing fast as the voices grew more aggressive. He is stuck.

_You know where your place is. Do what you know you should do,not what you think you should do. _A gentle feminine voice tells him. _All the nightmares...they appear because you think too much. If you think they won't happen,they won't. But if you really think they will happen,I have nothing to say. _

He takes a deep breath and grabs his bag,driving back to his home. Going back to his family.

His heart leaps as he finds the key he's been looking for in his pocket. He unlocks the door to Seventh Heaven and rushes in. He spots her standing near the window,cradling the baby ever so gently as it sucks on the nipple of the bottle.

"Tifa..."He breaks the silence and sees a tear-stained face.

"I thought you..."Tifa trails off.

"When I said I would come back,I meant it,I just didn't want to leave my stuff out there,"Cloud gestures to the bag that's now laying on the floor.

Tears start gushing out of Tifa's eyes and Cloud wraps his arms around the two,surprising her and even he himself. Tifa cries against his chest,tears of mixed emotions,happiness,relief,anger and sadness. Cloud whispers sorry repeatedly as he pats her back gently. Tifa raises her head to look at him,tears still rolling down her cheeks. He leans in,his lips brushing against hers and gives her a quick kiss,catching her off guard and quickly pulling back again.

"Am I going too.."He broke off as she tiptoes and kisses him right on the lips,pulling back a few seconds later.

"I don't think this is appropriate for someone here,"She motions to the baby still laying in her arms,staring at them wide-eyed,finishing the milk. Cloud turns to the baby and they both chuckle.

"I wouldn't be so heartless to leave her fatherless,you know."

Tifa smiles and places the now empty bottle on the table. The baby squeals in delight and starts cooing.

"That's right,sweetheart,that's how much Daddy loves you,"Tifa coos at the baby and the nervous look on Cloud's face is obvious.

"What's wrong,Cloud?"Tifa teases,"Afraid of being Daddy?"

He swallows,"Well..."

There's a short silence before he finally mutters an almost inaudible 'maybe'.

Tifa laughs.

"I knew since day one that you were a coward,Cloud."

But that was what Cloud Strife was,a coward.

**A/N**: This is my very first story. I'm sorry if you didn't like it. Please give me some feedback on how I can improve,thanks :)


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